clumsy_auror: (nymphadora)
[personal profile] clumsy_auror
Since Bernard returned from visiting Raph, it's been quiet in the Tonks-Wrangle flat. Anthony had a fussy night, and Sunny was grumpy about Bernard's disappearance at bedtime. Nymphadora's tired, which accounts for part of the reason she's quiet; mostly, though, she's waiting for Bernard to talk to her.

That can sometimes take a while.

Date: 2006-10-29 09:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
Bernard is in his study, sitting crosslegged on the floor at the coffee table by the sofa, with his sketchpad.

Every so often, he tears the current drawing out, balls it up, and pitches it into the fire, then starts over.

Date: 2006-10-29 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
He tends to glance up, just as she looks away, his expression half-hopeful, half-anxious.

This time, they catch each other.

He bites his lip, and tries to return the smile.

It's not the most successful thing ever.

Date: 2006-10-29 09:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
Smile's a little bit better now. It's got a fighting chance. "Sure. Wanna come sit with me?"

Date: 2006-10-29 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
He smiles again and sips the cider, then leans over to kiss her cheek.

The current drawing is... a mess. Completely unworkable, even to the untrained eye. Bits and bobs sticking out, about as uneconomical as possible.

He sighs, and scribbles in the margin suddenly, looking tired. Trying to salvage something from it.

Date: 2006-10-29 09:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
The equations just don't balance, no matter what he does. Either he's missing information, or he's not got the right combination, or he's an idiot.

Bernard's inclined to think it's Door Number Three, today.

He lets out another, longer sigh, and drops his pencil, rubbing his eyes with one hand, and grabbing 'Dora's steady hand with the other.

"Jesus."

Date: 2006-10-29 09:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"No," Bernard half-laughs, dropping his free hand.

He rips the drawing out of the book and pitches it into the fire with the rest.

"Can't fucking. Think right."

Date: 2006-10-29 09:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
Another huffed laugh, harsher this time.

"I'm an idiot, did you know?"

Date: 2006-10-29 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
Slowly, Bernard draws his knees up until he can rest his eyes agasint them, breathing long and slow. He shakes his head, then talks anyway.

"Should be in jail."

Date: 2006-10-29 10:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"I do think so," he answers, his voice soft, almost strangled. "I-- forget. I forgot completely, what it is to need privacy like that. It didn't occur to me--"

Another breath, and he lifts his face to stare at the far wall. "I don't close myself off from her -- I did, when I was thinking of leaving in May and June, for the battle. I closed off a huge chunk. But that was deception." He rubs his eye again, that nervous gesture turned shaky, unsure. "But, see, the door's never closed, and it doesn't even occur to me--"

He breaks off, unsure how to put it.

Date: 2006-10-29 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"It didn't even occur to me that-- being alone might be. Better. What he would really want. And I pushed too hard, and then I pushed really hard, and I'm so fucking ready to pile everyone I ever loved on my fucking back that I never stopped to ask him if he wanted it."

He finally turns to look at her, his eyes dry, but haunted.

"And. And fuck, he doesn't even blame me. Said he had it coming. What the fuck do I do?"

Date: 2006-10-29 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"How often is justice served by imprisonment?" he murmurs, shrugging. "I mean, he knows why, and it never occured to him to be upset, and he doesn't mind. He let me out. But I understand what was trespassed upon, even if he doesn't, or won't."

He facepalms, and almost laughs. "Raph is going to gut me and string a lute out of my small intestine.

Date: 2006-10-29 11:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"Not an issue of him listening, 'Dora." His voice trembles, his tone slightly raised. "I didn't understand how he was, how he-- I'm an only child, and I never had older brothers to knock me around, you know?"

Date: 2006-10-29 11:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-woodpecker.livejournal.com
"He didn't really. Didn't fight that hard. And I think it's because he." Bernard struggles to express it. "He's used to being pushed around. And I shouldn't have."

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